


What Would You Give Up?

by ILoveYourLight0924



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lewis Snart's A+ Parenting, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 18:52:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10342284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILoveYourLight0924/pseuds/ILoveYourLight0924





	

Despite his best efforts, Leonard hadn't been able to change anything. He'd known, even if he'd been unwilling to admit it, that it was unlikely he'd be able to change his past, but the opportunity had presented itself and he'd taken it. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about the repercussions of what he'd done, and maybe it was because he'd known that it wouldn't work that he was willing to do it. Too much would change if he'd actually stopped Lewis from going to prison, and as much as that seemed like a good idea, he had his doubts that it would have ended up as good as he had hoped.

"Gotta question for you, boss."

Leonard looked over at where Mick was sprawled out across his bed on the opposite side of the room. Leonard himself was sitting on the other bed in the room, back pressed against the wall and gun resting against his knee, staring at the wall as he thought. Mick, on the other hand, was laying down, beer dangling loosely from his fingertips. He looked like he was ready to sleep, head propped up on one arm and eyes focused on the ceiling.

"So ask," Leonard responded coolly, toying with the trigger of the cold gun absently. He had the safety on, so as much as he felt like he wanted to ice the whole ship to get his frustrations out, he knew that he wouldn't. 

"If you got the chance, would you take the ship and go to some time after Lisa'd been born to kill that piece of shit?"

There was no question that Mick was referring to Leonard's dad, and the fact that the only reason Leonard hadn't killed him tonight was because it was 1975 and Lisa wouldn't be born for another nearly five years. And Leonard couldn't take the risk of wiping his little sister out of his life. She was one of the only good things Lewis had ever given him. He wasn't going to lose her because he was selfish and wanted to wipe Lewis out of the timeline for good.

But. After. After Lisa was born. If he had the chance, would he go and kill Lewis, stop the years of abuse and torment that followed? That question wasn't so easily answered. It was tempting, beyond so, an idea that he knew had merit. Maybe if he did, he and Lisa would grow up happy, learning what actual love felt like at the hands of foster parents that gave a shit about their well-being. Maybe they wouldn't learn lessons at the sharp end of a broken beer bottle, and Lisa would have a chance to follow her dream to be an Olympic figure skater. Maybe they wouldn't end up becoming criminals, because it was the only life that they had been offered at the hands of Lewis Snart, after their mother had died during childbirth. 

However, he found that that kind of good usually came at a cost in his life, and it would have never been so simple. What would he lose if he killed Lewis, to gain what he was only assuming would be a more idealistic childhood? What would go wrong? Because time, as Rip liked to point out, wanted to happen, and changing the past usually had terrible consequences. So what would that consequence be, and would it be worth it. He could think of one consequence without trying, and that was enough to give him pause.

He looked over at Mick, still spread out on the bed, sipping his beer lazily, and that gave him his answer.

"No," he decided, answering quietly. The low, sarcastic drawl was out of his voice, leaving nothing but honesty and sincerity behind. "No. I wouldn't."

"Why not?"

They didn't talk like this, with openness and honesty and sincerity. This was turning into something resembling feelings, and typically, Leonard would have avoided that, turned away from it faster than could be imagined. He didn't like emotion, or sentiment. But... He didn't really want to lie to Mick about this.

"Because I wouldn't meet you." Silence took over the little room that they had claimed as their own on the Waverider, and now Mick was staring openly at Leonard, shock in his eyes. Leonard averted his gaze elsewhere, occupying himself by tampering with the firing pin on the cold gun. After a few very uncomfortable moments, Leonard couldn't stand the tense silence, and he shrugged, continuing softly. "I got tossed in juvie on a job with my dad. Something went wrong, I got caught. That's when I met you. You were the only thing that made him... bearable. If he was dead, that wouldn't have happened, and I wouldn't have met you. I guess that's something I'm not willing to risk."

"You're willing to put up with thirty years of your dad's torment because you... don't want to not meet me?" Leonard wasn't sure how to describe Mick's voice. Maybe confused. But not angry or disgusted like Leonard had thought he would be. He shrugged a shoulder to avoid answering, and apparently, that was the cue for Mick to stand up from his bed and walk across the room, dropping onto the bed by Leonard's side. Leonard swayed a little at the sudden movement, bracing a hand against the wall to keep himself from falling over. He looked up, shrinking away from the sudden closeness. It was entirely unexpected. "If you'd never had to deal with him, you wouldn't have needed me, though."

"You don't know that, and neither do I. If I learned anything from The Flash, it's that time travel has consequences. When he tried to change the past for his own good, he almost destroyed the world with that singularity. So what would it cost me if I had tried to kill my father and prevent my childhood from being so bad. What if it had just ended up worse? Lisa and I didn't have great lives, and our dad was certainly never father of the year, but at least I know what I got out of it. I got you. I got her. I got... maybe not the most ideal life, but not one that I would give up on a chance that things could be different. It wouldn't be worth it."

Leonard paused and took a deep breath, willing his mind to get back under control. It was going to dark places, places that Leonard knew he couldn't handle. He was silent for a few long minutes, and so was Mick, which Leonard was grateful for, because he needed to explain. He needed to say something else to justify-- He just had to get his mind back in order. Finally, he spoke, very slowly, trying to make the words make sense.

"I hate him. I hate everything he is, and I want nothing more than to kill him, over and over and watch him suffer. But I know that that kind of thing has negative consequences. And I don't know what all they are, but I know that, if I do that, I don't meet you. And you are something I'm not willing to lose. You kept me safe when he was at his worst, when I thought that he was going to kill me. You've seen more of these scars than anyone else, you know more about what's happened, you've been there, and I can't--"

"Lenny," Mick cut in firmly, grabbing hold of Leonard's shoulder with one strong hand, and Leonard realized exactly how loud his voice had gotten, exactly how breathless and tense he was. There were tears blurring at the edge of his vision, and his throat felt tight. He hadn't had a panic attack in nearly six years, but he was sure that was what this was, his heart beating too fast and his body shaking. "Lenny," Mick repeated, his voice softer now. Leonard met his eyes, trying to focus on them, and not the impending feeling of panic building in his chest. "Breathe, come on. Take deep breaths for me."

It took a few seconds for the words to process, but eventually, Mick's soft voice broke through, and Leonard took a few deep breaths, inhaling deeply and holding the oxygen in his lungs for a few seconds before exhaling again. He repeated the process several times, the feeling of Mick's hand, warm and strong on his shoulder, helping to focus his mind on the present. The present. Not his dad, not juvie, not any of the dark places in his mind. His dad wasn't here, his dad was dead, he was safe. Mick was here, Mick had him, Mick wasn't--

"I don't think I could lose you," Leonard admitted honestly once his breathing was somewhat back to normal, and he heard Mick inhale sharply.

"M'not goin' anywhere, boss," he promised, and there was a ring of sincerity in his voice that Leonard was sure he had never heard before. "Couldn't get rid of me if you tried."

"Not sure about that."

Mick laughed, deep and full and loud, and Leonard felt himself relax. Mick was here. Mick wasn't going anywhere. One strong arm snaked around Leonard's shoulders, and suddenly, he was being pulled closer to the tall, broad body beside him. "You worry too much, Lenny. You been stuck with me for thirty years. Think I'm going anywhere now, and you ain't as smart as I thought."

Leonard smiled, just the barest hint of upturned corners of his lips, but a smile nonetheless. "Maybe we should make you the brains of the operation, then."

Mick looked truly horrified at the prospect. "Only if you wanna die in some sort of fiery explosion. Not the worst way to go."

"I'd prefer to not burn to death."

Mick grinned crookedly, and then his eyes turned serious. "You're okay, then? He can't get to you anymore, Lenny. And you can't get rid of me."

"I'm okay, Mick. Always am, as long as you stick around."

And really, they were never so honest, but they didn't usually need to be. They both knew. Sometimes, it was just better to hear it said out loud.


End file.
